Lineage and Leadership in the Self Realization Fellowship meditation temple (pictured left to right)| Lahiri Mahasaya, Mahavatar Babaji, Jesus Chirst, Bhagavan Krishna, Paramahansa Yogananda, Swami Sri Yukteswar. 

Yesterday I met my friend and drove to the Self-Realization Fellowship Centers HQ in Highland Park. I had shared with my friend Lau that I was feeling shame and that grief and old wounds around unrequited love felt stuck to my body. 

We walked into the meditation temple, and above the altar were a few teachers whom I had studied during Sunday school and yoga teacher training. An assembly line of chairs were laid out, the draw to plop down and begin meditation came naturally. I visualized myself separating from the situation that I had top of heart. It was a 25-min trance recalibrating the density that had culminated in my body. 

I was ruminating on that one partner, the "one who got...(or ran) away." I had to reckon with the fact that the young woman who was in that relationship with this person at the time felt burdened by abandonment and avoidance. You know the saying time heals all wounds? Ever wonder if it's what you do in that time that activates your potential to rebuild intimacy and trust? The exhaustion from losing this person felt alive in my bones. My story is filled with themes around: punishment, betrayal, and shame. No one had died, just my dignity for a moment in time.  

​Lau walked me to her favorite spot to work from, a meditation nook with a built-in stream. She said something along the lines of "you can drown your sorrows in the river." I was so zenned out from meditation, when we sat down, I took off my shoes and I awkwardly sprawled over the rock hugged by the manicured grass embedded in the hill, four of my fingers touched into the riverbed. Unsure of what was to come, my friend began to massage the back of my heart. Tears streamed down my face. I was mourning the little girl who did not know then what she realized now: her own innocence. 

Once my sobbing had softened and the debris of the pain released. We journaled out a list of boundaries and read them out loud; each line representing an oath to fortify a healthy and flowing relationship with work, family, friends, partners, and self.  

An activity for you to practice at home... Write out a column of "I will allow" and "I won't allow" to practice discerning your own actions, thoughts, and feelings. Collaborate with and read them outloud to a friend. 

With heart, hugs & more hugs, 

Fiona Baqai Ceremony Creator  |  [email protected] | www.soundflower.co

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